The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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