Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
