If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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