i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
