Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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