He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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