I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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