I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
