Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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