I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
