Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I just want nice things and good sex
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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