Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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