Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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