yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
