Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
