Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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