hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
My dick has a subreddit
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize