You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
