fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
