Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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