shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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