This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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