true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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