Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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