my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
