but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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