i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
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