I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
When are your genitals available?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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