your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
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Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
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What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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