things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
