I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
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I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
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First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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