I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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