she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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