Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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