Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I hate all girls vehemently.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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