i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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