we have officially lost it.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Randomize
