omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I supernannyed him into submission
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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