So drunk its hurt
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
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Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
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Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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