I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
