in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
