remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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