I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
