Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
