What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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