And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
