She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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