is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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