yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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