I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize