yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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