why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
