On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Shitshow foam night was such a success
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
