he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Naked. naked and bneed help.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize