I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
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