I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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