every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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