Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
