Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
